I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
