Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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