I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
