I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
