she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
