I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
