chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also, beer. Big fan.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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