Bisexual people are plain selfish.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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