just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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