And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
