then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
