Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
