We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
