if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
