I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
