i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize