I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Houston, we have a squirter
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
