If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
