Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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