So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my being single is dangerous.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
