Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
