I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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