I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
