I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
