He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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