so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
