i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
