I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am naked and annoyed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
