Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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