The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
cat food counts as protein by the way
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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