Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize