Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
