I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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