i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
