He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
