So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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