i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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