just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
