HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
