I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
