i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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