Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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