listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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