I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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