I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
