i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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