hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize