So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
