please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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