"it" just moved
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
