pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
