Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize