Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
