u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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