Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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