Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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