Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
