Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
