I met the friendliest cop last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
