I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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