After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
