I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
