A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
