im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
how drunk are you?
Several
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
