I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
