just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In other news, I just burned my penis
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
