They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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