oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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