You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
