Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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