I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
