she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we should paint friendship bongs
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
