Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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