So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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