is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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