I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
