I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
