how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
