oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
