Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
