I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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