Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
