Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
