the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
