I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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