Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
