You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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