What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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