3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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