somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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