I can text with my tongue
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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