Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
