I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
