I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
