Don't make out with my wife yet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
