you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
