she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
