not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You smell like stripper and shame
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
