In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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