you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
